One of the unexpected benefits of working on myself is how it allows me to be there for others.
This popped up in an unexpected way this past week: with a student.
One came to see me for advice on how to move forward on a paper, which was due 3 days prior.
Normally I would have said something about partial credit for lateness and then directed them to the campus writing center.
Instead we chatted for a bit and the student had a sound thesis and lots of information to work with. It was the intense fear of judgement that was holding them back. The student described the problem they were having as "paralysis because I'm worried about what you will think of me as you read my paper".
I was sort of surprised to hear this from this particular student. The student is older than traditional college age (actually, we are the same age) and has served in the military. Typically those students sail through my class.
I asked some more questions.
It turns out, this is not the first time this has happened. The student recounted several times that they had felt this way before (not just this paper in my class). Sometimes they were able to push through and turn in the work; sometimes they were not able to complete the project.
The student asked if I had any advice for them.
I thought for a moment.
I said the following,
"Adult to adult, we all have issues to figure out. When you have some time and aren't under end-of-semester stress, take a journey down the path and explore what the paralysis is all about."
The Katie Of The Past would have never said something like that. But, it turned out to be helpful to the student.
A few days later they sent me an email thanking me for listening and asking questions that got them back into the present. They expressed that they planned to take a little time over semester break to "work on the paralysis" thing.
This incident serves as a nice reminder for me that even though I go to yoga for me, I really go to yoga for others.
This story resonates with me.
ReplyDeleteKatie Of The Past said, "Once you figure yourself out, the rest is a lot easier." Quite true, but not quite that simple to do.
Seems to me that Katie Of The Present is more comfortable with the journey and that is where the struggle lies.
I think, sometimes, someone struggling needs to hear that someone they consider "together" has also struggled. Feels less scary that way.
One day I kind of decided that sharing the messy, loose ends, ongoing nature of the process might be worthwhile to people.
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